a birthday poem (April 2, 2015)

I am in awe of new beginnings

Bringing forth a calmness that exists only at the start

An anxiety too that refreshes you

A new deck of cards handed you

I promised myself I wouldn’t be the same or like anyone I knew

I don’t want to be like the women I see on reality tv

They are beautifully broken

Ignorant

Confused

I’m not gonna be one of those women still trying to find herself at 40

I knew who I was at 12

And it’s been hell trying to convince you that I love me, as me because of He

So this year I’ve vowed to let that go

Because there’s no way you could know what I know and still be sane

It’s a gift, a blessing, magic even

To be tortured, tempted, ridiculed and still remain the same

I’m usually quite humble

And I’ll let the rumble of an empty stomach become a roar before I’d allow the media to brainwash me into being a whore

I want MORE for myself

I want more for you

But I realize sharing the same hue doesn’t always mean we share the same view

I’m not chasing fame or chasing wealth

I’m chasing the God that believes I am better than myself

I value the God in me enough to see the Devil in the things I used to do

I don’t hit the clubs anymore and it’s only water bottles I’m poppin

To be inebriated means to be out of control

You can’t play the role of Queen with an empty soul

I am that,

Queen is she

I could have been a lot of things, but none greater than me.

My birth was not a right

Free-erthan a bird set for flight

My thoughts come alive at night

When I am quiet and close my eyes I have the best sight

A clearer vision

I am able and enabled by my creator

I am creative

I am humbled by God’s power and his endowment

These things I’m no longer searching for

I’ve found it.