Groundhog Day!

I’m not a big movie buff. But I saw this movie many years ago and have been reminiscing about it in dreams that span over the course of two weeks. I couldn’t remember all the details until I began reading Mindset by Carol Dweck.

On August 1st I was in a car accident that severely damaged my vehicle and my ego. My car gave me a sense of pride. It was the first thing, one of the only material things, I purchased with my own money. My car represented freedom and independence. Since that day I have had to compromise who I am and learn to rely on others. Not being able to come and go as I please, planning ahead and limiting my whereabouts has been a difficult adjustment.

Almost a month ago I began a new habit of waking up early and working on my goals. About 2 weeks ago, the dreams began. I kept dreaming about a white guy in a long coat and I couldn’t identify who he was or where I recognized him from. For a moment, I thought, I must be dreaming of death. But as the days went by the dreams became clearer and clearer. The man, Bill Murray, was experiencing deja vu. The days were the same and repeated over and over.

Now I read or overheard somewhere that you’ll repeat the lesson until it is learned and immediately, I thought of myself. I asked a few people I trust to give me some constructive feedback. 90% of them said I need to be more patient. Immediately i said fuck that because I don’t want to be more patient; I want people to hurry up! Ha!

In the movie, Groundhog Day, Bill Murray repeats his day over and over again until one day, he decides to skip the mundane and try something new. Having nothing to lose, he begins learning all kinds of things and then, he wakes up to see anew day. In a weird way, I think I lost my car so I could learn how to be patient. And I haven’t because I’ve chosen not to take the risk, not to do something new but to stick to the same ol routine day in and day out. So because I was not willing to change, neither did my situation until something drastic happened to stop everything and put my life in perspective. I’ve been given the opportunity to slow down and focus and that in and of itself is a blessing.

I think, I’m ready to learn the lesson now…

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