“Happy”

love & beauty, Uncategorized

For weeks I’ve seen several of my friends hashtag #100HappyDays. That, coupled with the fact that I want to scream every time I hear Pharrell’s “Happy” made me believe I could use a little more happy in my own life. I embarked upon the #100HappyDays journey; two hours in I quit. Let me tell you why.

I’m not against being happy. I love being happy. But in terms of my life happiness is not the ultimate goal. Girl, what are you crazy?!?!?! No. For me, the best part of life is the experiences I go through. For better or worse, our experiences challenge us and then they change us. I want to experience all that life has to offer and happiness is just a small part of that. Some of my best writing has come through late, tear-filled nights. I’ve learned more by being embarrassed, falling flat on my ass and having to humble myself and get back in the game. There’s nothing wrong with being happy, but there’s so much more to experience. To brainwash yourself into being happy for 100 days straight would not be reality. There is something positive to find in just about everything. But only looking at the positive negates the other emotions. I’m emotional. I want to live a FULL life; full of happiness, sadness, confusion, challenges, heartbreak and loneliness. I want it all and then some.

Not too much of a rant here, just thought I’d share.

-Brandy was here

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I Love Being Single Until I See A Happy Couple Then I Think I’m Missing Out

love & beauty, Uncategorized

My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude. 

Warsan Shire

I’ve been single for a while now. Nearly 5 years after giving birth to my first child and the dissolution of the tumultuous relationship with his father, I am ready for love. Though there hasn’t been a Black Friday line of suitors, there has been interest. Yet, as single mother, dating is different. You no longer jump into situations; every move has to be calculated. You, more than ever, envision your future with this person and how your potentially blended family would function. You think marriage immediately, for better or worse. And honestly, those thoughts shouldn’t be wasted on just anyone.

I used to laugh at women who committed their dating search to lists of qualities, checking them off like items on a grocery list. I used to think it was silly. How could someone ever find a mate with everything on a list? Impossible.

But, as an independent business owner I’ve discovered the power of vision casting. Writing down goals is important as well as visualizing what you want in life. So, after much consideration. I am making a list of everything I want in a husband. This may amount to nothing, but it will give me a clear vision of what I am looking for even if I never find “Mr. Right.” Truth is, I don’t have a problem being single, but maybe, just maybe I should start dating again.

I initially made a list of around 50 things, But I narrowed it down to 9.

Humor: Marilyn Monroe once said “If a man can make you laugh, he can make you do anything” I would agree. Plus, relationships should generally be fun. Nothing is better than a man who can ease the pain of dreadful news or create a joyful environment.

Smarts: For most of my dating life I’ve dated down. I am always careful not to sound too smart or discuss my many accomplishments for fear that I may intimidate my partner. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” I want to speak and use all the big words I know and hold an intelligent conversation with someone. If I’m smart he should be as smart or smarter. I’m talking college graduate, someone cultured with an open and ever-expanding mind.

Faith: My spiritual walk is what has shaped me the most as a person. It’s important for me to be able to worship with the person I love. I’m a Christian. I take that seriously. But, I’m not a traditional Christian. I have liberal views and see faith as more of a relationship with God and a universal consciousness than I do a set of commandments. Ideally, I’d like someone who has faith in God and can back that up with moral principles and a sense of integrity in the way they live their lives.

Work Ethic: So I changed this one from ambition to work ethic because while I believe having goals  and audacity in making decisions is important, a man has GOT to have a job. And, unlike my favorite TV star Regine from Living Single he does not have to necessarily be a doctor, lawyer or have a six figure income. But as a man, you should be able to provide for your needs through employment albeit legal or illegal. And, in pursuing a long-term, monogamous relationship, be anticipating providing for a family. While love grows in the heart, money does not grow on trees. The Bible says, a man who doesn’t work, doesn’t eat. (It’s in Proverbs, look it up)

Handsome: It should go without saying that you are attracted to whomever you choose to date. And no, this is not because I’m vain or superficial. But because you want to get excited to see the person you are with. I want that fire. I want my man to look across the room and see me and be like “damn girl!”. So I should look at you and see the same.

Social: I can be very shy and somewhat closed off. But, I always challenge myself to be friendly and social when I’m out and about. The nature of my work involves me meeting and mingling with a lot of people. A partner of mine has to social enough to attend events with me and not just stand next to me like a prisoner. I want to do double dates and family days, etc. So if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. And I don’t mean “get with” in a you got a secret you wanna tell me on Maury kind of way. 

Family Oriented: My family is very important to me. My immediate family being myself and my son as well as my extended family which includes my mother, brothers, sis-in-law, nephews and nieces, cousins, etc. I’m looking for a man that likes to be around family and is intent on creating a life that can be modeled in the home and taught to growing generations.

Adventureous: I’m an Aries. I’m impulsive. I like trying new things. Are you down? You should be. My favorite and most fun moments are those I didn’t plan. It is often those things I never thought I would do, was afraid to do or did accidentally. I want to share those moments with a man who is willing.

Tech Savvy: This may not seem very important but it is. I’m 27 but wouldn’t mind dating older. BUT, you have to know how to use a computer (Mac or PC), check e-mail, update on Facebook, text, send pictures, etc. I’m of THAT generation where I’m “connected” so if you want to experience me in all my glory, ride that technology wave with me.

These nine are non-negotiable. In the words of Da Brat, “That’s what I’m looking for!”

Instagram taught me

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Here’s a portion of a poem I wrote…

… Sex and social media don’t mix
Scroll past a photo and you’re outta the clique
Losing real friends just because you didn’t click
Like, don’t believe the hype of
Hashtag everything, selfies over everything, look at me and who I’m with pretending its money over everything
You probably need a filter for that
And a quote too
Cuz nothing’s cooler than cutting and pasting quotes from niggas that don’t even know you….

My Top Five Reasons I Cannot Support Your Hustle

business, Uncategorized

1. You Treat It As a Hobby

While it is common for beginning entreprenuers to start their businesses as a side job, those who have successfully left their 9 to 5 and don the CEO title are those who have committed to making their dream a reality. As a customer, I don’t want to know your life story before I buy your t-shirt or let you do my hair. I don’t want to hear screaming kids in the background when I call to book an appointment. Be professional. Treat it like a business and your customer will treat it like a business. No excuses.

2. Your Supply Doesn’t Meet the Demand

I am an impulse shopper. Lots of people are. I see it. I like it. I want it right now! No, I don’t want to pre-order it. No, I don’t want to wait 3-4 weeks to receive it. No, I don’t want to check back later. No. No. No. And how dare you be out of stock! If you don’t have what I want, chances are someone else will. And yes, I understand that things happen which may delay the buying process. However, remain professional. Use good customer service practices and be honest and upfront with your buyer.

3. You Want Pity and Profits

Everyone has a sad story. If you tell me yours, now I have two sad stories. Its hard enough carrying my own so please keep yours. You’ve decided to follow your dream and you’re having a touch time. You’re starting from the bottom, living off your savings, etc. etc. We get it. But keep it to yourself. Don’t get online begging for sales, because if your customer wanted to support a charity, they have plenty of options. NEVER relay your financial troubles to your customers. Make good business decisions and please, keep it professional.

4. You’re One In A Million

A few years ago it was different for women to find high quality hair weaves, but in 2013, it is not. Everybody knows somebody that sells it and can get it to them for the price they want to pay. If there is nothing proprietary about your business, it will be difficult for you to gain and keep customers.

5. You’re Just Not Ready Yet

You may have a great idea, a great product that people will love. You could potentially make a lot of money. But, if you are ill prepared to deal with the business side of things, you’ll struggle to find people who will support you. I met a guy that told me he was a barber specializing in kids hair. I said, “Great! Give me your business card and I’ll give you a call. I’ve been looking for someone like you.” He didn’t have a business card. In fact, he didn’t have a phone number. He gave me his twitter name and told me I could reach him there.  I’m sure he’s a great barber, but he just wasn’t ready yet.

2013 Reading List

books, Uncategorized
Here it is. My 2013 Reading List. I highly recommend you read ALL of them, but if you have a chance for only 5 I’d say go for#5,7,13, 18, 23. Starting my 2014 list now, any reading recommendations you may have, send them my way 

1. The Infinite Way by Joel S. Goldmsith
2. The Mentor Leader(audio) by Tony Dungy
3. How to Hustle and Win Part 1 by Supreme Understanding
4. Rap, race & revolution by Supreme Understanding
5. Roots by Alex Haley
6. Write That Book Already by Sam Barry and Kathi Kamen Goldmark
7 Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in a World of Uncertainty(audio) by Harold S. Kushner
8. 21st Century Sister: The Essence Five Keys to Success
9. Leading so People Will Follow by Erika Andersen
10. 1001 Fun Ways to Play by Gymboree
11. Its Complicated by Paul C. Brunson
12. The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by Ayana Mathis
13. The Wealth Choice by Dennis Kimbro
14. Grace After Midnight by Felicia “Snoop” Pearson and David Ritz
15. Words from a Wanderer by Alexandra Elle
16. For Single People Who Still Understand The Value of Relationships by Rob Hill Sr.
17.The Land Between: Finding God in Difficult Transitions by Jeff Manion
18. Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou
19. I would die 4 u: How Prince became an icon by Toure
20.My Answer is NO If That’s Okay With You by Nannette Gartrell
21. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
22. King Hedley II by August Wilson
23. Fail Up: 20 Lessons on Building Success from Failure by Tavis Smiley
24. The Purpose Driven life by Rick Warren
25. Who Asked You? By Terry McMillan
26. The 3 Dimensions of Improving Student Performance by Roberta Rueda

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I was just a child when I fell in love with writing, but it has taken a lifetime to find the courage to not only share my writing, but myself with the world. I’m shy. I read a lot. I love to cook. I’m learning how to be the best mom to my son all the while enjoying this thing called life. This blog is dedicated to the sensory journey of a 20 something, Richmond, CA native. Brandy says…

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